How many people do you know who wouldn’t understand a win-win conversation if their life depended on it?
What do we mean by win-win? Both parties know how to assert their respective needs. They know that they can never fully align their goals, but try to help themselves while the other party also gets satisfaction. They know that they may not agree on the process of getting there, but want similar outcomes. Their strongest asset is the ability to listen and they don’t see win-win as a feel-good opportunity – they see it as a value building, fairly concrete exercise. They can be as tough as nails and still want the other person to benefit.
It’s reciprocity through enlightened self-interest. They know reciprocity isn’t just a North American place name (there’s 4 of them)!
So, what about the non win-win folks? They simply are trying to tell others what they want, (sometimes, what they don’t want), but without caring much for the other party’s interest. Why? Because people who don’t understand value building reciprocity generally have low self-awareness and think less of the person they are dealing with. They impose their thinking in the hope that compliance will happen. When it doesn’t they assume the other simply isn’t listening (when it’s they who are not listening).
What to do? What are the four ways to win-win?
Here’s a 2-step approach using solution focus that gives you questions to help the non win-win folks move to a better place..
1. Download the win-win PDF and then…
2. View this video
Don’t expect overnight miracles. Patience and showing them you are listening will help move them – and you – closer to win-win!
More about solution focus
For more tips on getting to win-win try my book, Fry the Monkeys – Create a Solution